Sorry for the extreme delay in getting back to the blog, but life has been hectic around here as of late. Anyway, help keep me accountable to blogging, would you?
That night, I went home with my stomach in knots. This harmless meeting turned into something much bigger than I expected in a very short period of time. There was substance between Adam and I and I knew I wasn't the only one feeling it. He told me he was going on a camping trip with his Dad the next day and would be gone for a few days with no cell service. Part of me thought maybe he would just go on his trip and never bother getting hold of me once he got home. Thank God that part of me was wrong, and I got an email the day he got home telling me how much he missed talking to me, how he couldn't get me off his mind, and that he hoped I didn't forget about him. Uh, of course I didn't. Who had time to forget about him between replaying our conversations, soul searching, feeling like I was going to throw up for excitement slash anxiety? I was sick thinking about how I was going to have to find a way to break up with my boyfriend, because even though he was an incredible guy, if I felt like this for Adam for even a minute, I wasn't doing anybody a favor holding on to a relationship that wasn't right. In my heart I knew it was over a very long time ago but I had a lot of pressure on me to keep things the way they were. My mom loved him because he was a good Christian boy and he treated me well. My friends were his friends, and it was really hard being the bad guy so I kept on pretending that what we had was everything I wanted. Logically, he would be quite a husband for someone eventually. Emotionally, I knew that someone wasn't me. Thanks to Mister Massey, I figured out there was a whole other world of feelings and logic out there for me and I couldn't UN-feel my very real feelings.
Adam met Lindsay and me for walks several days that next week, and by this point Adam was tricked. Hehe, He was pretty crazy about me and I could tell. The second time we walked, he tried to hold my hand. Too obvious something was going on. I only would lock pinkies with him, because that's sort of noncommittal, right? (We still hold pinkies!) Plus, being with him made me so nervous that my palms were so sweaty and it embarrassed the crap out of me. He mentioned to me that his church was having revival that week and he would like me to come. I was uneasy, but I thought if it meant I got to spend time with him then I would find a way to make it happen. Boldly, I asked my boyfriend if it was okay, and he didn't care...at least that's what he said. Sweet. And kinda shady. Adam held the door open for me and lead me by the hand to his usual seat; naturally it was the front row. I was wearing a dress, kitten heels, and a little black blazer and he was in a red button down and tight jeans . Lordy. We sang some hymns and I tried to focus. I remember trying to sing the best I could in case he heard me, but my throat was sore, haha. We sat down as the pastor made his way up to speak, and Adam put his long arm around my shoulders, wiggled closer to me and held my hand with his free hand. I felt protected and cherished. And like a girl.
I was sad the message was over, unfortunately for the wrong reasons. We shook hands with Adams friends and coworkers, and headed downtown for our nightly walk. We were walking the Walnut Street Bridge just talking. Talking about how he felt about me and was willing to wait for me to decide on how to handle the boyfriend situation because he knew this was a relationship worth pursuing. I kept trying to feed him some line about how I was going off to college soon and I never intended to jump from one long term high school relationship to a real world serious one. He saw right through me, he always has.
It made me laugh so hard thinking of how smooth I thought he was. Every time we stopped walking to talk, he would come right next to me and put his arm around my waist. I decided I should probably not stop walking anymore, haha. My little heels kept getting stuck in between the boards on the bridge so I was barefoot and holding my shoes. We were laughing so hard while we were people watching that time got away with us, but I had a 10 pm curfew so we had to get going. Adam made some corny joke about a couple that passed us, and I laughed and turned my head. When I turned back around, I was met with my last first kiss.
It was a REALLY good first kiss. Ladies, y'all know what an awkward first kiss is like. This was not one of those. I smacked him on the arm and told him he can't kiss me like that. Then I kissed him back. About 10 times on the way to his truck.
That week we met every chance we could. We went hiking and walking as usual. We were ridiculous. We just laughed and kissed and laughed some more to the point we were pretty much sickening I think. Then, I think Jesus had enough of my uncharacteristic dishonesty, so one night as Adam was kissing me goodbye I heard a familiar high pitched voice. "Eeeek! Reshae Flegal!!!"
I guess I will have to wrap this up next time! Unless you're bored with me. :)
you did not just leave it like that!
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